Back to the drawing board...

Well, yesterday was rough.  Much more difficult than I expected and not at all what I had pictured was coming.  I was prepared for possibly several months of unsuccessful intra-uterine inseminations.  I was ok with the possibility of it taking a few months to work, even though I was hoping that it would work on try #1.  Ryan and I had come to terms with the fact that we would have to sacrifice time, money and heartache in order to conceive our child.  Many nights, we have laid in the bed...cuddled up and talked about "why us?"  A conversation that is not easy for either of us.

My appointment yesterday was for a 2nd sonogram to measure the egg follicles in my ovaries with the hopes that at least one of them had grown to 18 mm so that we could proceed with the first round of IUI.  This, however...is not what happened.  My follicles measured the exact same as they did on Monday.  No growth at all even after taking 5mg. of Femera.  After the nurse, Paula, took a few sonogram pictures of my ovaries she suggested that Dr. Deaton may go ahead and restart the medicine to bring on another period and restart the process again but increase my dose of Femera to 7.5mg.  At this point, I reminded her that we were self-pay patients and had no insurance (not that the majority of insurance companies would pay for infertility treatments to begin with)  I also pointed out that we were not only dealing with PCOS on my side, but also with male factor infertility(lower sperm count/quality) on my husbands side.  I explained to her that if we had low chances of IUI working with both of those factors and also the fact that so far my body was not responding to the fertility medications...that I wanted to know what Dr. Deaton honestly felt like we should do in order to be the most cost effective.  She left the room to go discuss this with my doctor.

I guess deep down I was hoping she would come back with news that my doctor was optimistic that increasing the Femera would increase my chances with IUI or that he was going to be able to wave a magic wand and make everything ok.  Instead, she brings me 3 things.  A prescription, a booklet....and an apology.

She said that based on my lack of response to the Femera coupled with the male factor, that Dr. Deaton suggested we go ahead and move away from the IUI procedure and onto IVF.  She handed me a prescription for Prometrium in order to bring on another period, since I obviously was not going to ovulate this cycle.  She also handed me a booklet and began explaining the shared risk IVF program that they offer.  At this point, I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach and much of what she was saying at this point resembled Charlie Brown's teacher.  It was very much a blur.  My mind was going so fast that I couldn't even pay attention at this point.  I felt sick to my stomach and a bit light headed and really just wanted to run out crying....because I knew what IVF entailed, alot of up front money that we don't have.

Soon after talking with Paula, I left.  I swear I sat in the car for 20 minutes staring at the building, trying my best to deal with what I had just been told.  I cried and had myself a pity party there in the parking lot, then I began to flip through the booklet I was given.  $20,000 is basically what we were looking at for the IVF, medications and all pre-IVF labwork.  With the shared risk program, we would be guaranteed a pregnancy that lasted through the 1st trimester (which is when most miscarriages take place)  If no pregnancy results or if we miscarry...all but $2,000 of our money is refunded.  IVF Risk Sharing from Dr. Deaton's website


I decided not to call Ryan while he was at work to tell him.  I knew this was a conversation that we needed to have in person... and tonight, we talked some...but mostly it was alot of quiet moments.  Neither of us really had to say anything at all.  At this point I think we are both just letting this all sink in.  Seems at times like this, just him holding me is enough.  We are planning to spend the weekend together and to talk about where we go from here.

~Until next time~
Yvonne

Here is a video on IVF and a picture...